Thursday Thirteen

I don't think it comes as any surprise to those who know me that I love Jenny Crusie. Recently, I went to the Australian Romance Writer's conference (really not a happy time for me), but I went for Jennifer Crusie's lectures and the woman was all I'd hoped for. So this week for TT, I'm dragging from my copious notes 13 things about JC to amuse and inspire (together with my own comments from the peanut gallery). I hope you enjoy them as much as I did, though you really do need to see her in action for a full effect. If you get a chance to hear her speak, grab it!

1. "Your subconscious is so much smarter than you are."

So um, I'm smarter when unconscious. Somebody punch me.

2. "It's when you go to hell that you find the stuff that makes your book great."

Coz the devil has all the good plot lines and whispers them in your ear.

3. "You are a story teller.... You are the hero of your community."

And we know how everyone likes to torture the hero.

4. "There is no generic boinking."

But if you take off the maid costume you can have no frills boinking. Not the same of course.

5. "Violence always has an aftermath -- a physical and emotional reaction."

Not to mention blood.

6. "You are so much smarter than you think you are."

I must be so freaking brilliant...

7. "Tell Me Lies" was the book of her heart. If she could write another book like that, she would.

And so would I. :-)

8. She is currently agent shopping, though her last agent, Nancy Yost, remains a close friend.

and that's just inspiring!

9. She is currently writing another collaboration, "Always Kiss Me Goodnight," which is her first ghost story.

leaving the old dog comment alone. She might clunk me with a bone.

10. "Stay in the moment."

I am. I think the moment was about 6 years ago, but I'm still there.

11. "If you use a prologue, you will go to hell."

Is that what did it????

12. In "Agnes and the Hitman" she uses the kitchen as a motif, a symbol of warm, loving family.

whereas my kitchen is a symbol of slovenly housekeeping

13. "This isn't a business, it's a casino."

so when the chips are down, you might just win!!! :-) Lay your bets, ladies.

Thursday 13

Men are lucky. No hormones. Well, none that count. Testosterone is a friend. Not so progesterone. Here for my fellow sufferers are 13 explanations of the acronym PMS.

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Plainly, men suck!
3. Ply Me with Sugar
4. Pissy Mood Syndrome
5. Padded Middle Sweatpants
6. Pimples May Show
7. Puffy Mid Section
8. Potential Murder Suspect
9. Psychosis Makes Sense
10. Purchase More Shoes
11. Psycho Manic Shopper
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Pricks May Suffer

Just Say No!

Thirteen Things You Really Should Say No To

1. An invitation to Peter Benchley's Beach Party

2. Or to Rosemary's Baby Shower

3. A lift from Dodi and Di

4. Or Princess Di

5. Or really anyone with die in their name

6. A free shave and haircut in Fleet Street

7. A Sleep Over with Jimmy Jones

8. Or at the McBeth's house

9. A shower at Bates Motel

10. A manicure booked by the jigsaw killer

11. An invitation to Willard's Pet Show

12. Jacko's Baby Sitting service

13. The question, "Do you mind if I give you a Babe King romance?" :-)

Thursday Thirteen

Since Marian,the heroine of "The Marian Kind" (which releases June 21, you know, in case I haven't chewed your ear off yet)is the make-up artist in a funeral home, I thought I'd stick with the theme. So this week it's

Thirteen reasons to Love the Morgue


To many, the morgue is a place shrouded in secrecy and exceedingly grave, yet......

1. So many are dying to get in there.

2. It's a great place to have a formalin.

3. You can always get a table.

4. And they have their own tag team.

5. But their sleeping bags leave something to be desired.

6. In the morgue, blue is the new black.

7. And YOU can be the life of the party.

8. It's the place God leaves his empties.

9. So definitely BYO spirits.

10. But even without a TV, people there know what happens when you Cross Jordon

11. And most think they're hairdressers, since they've already curled up and dyed

12. But it's not the place to let anyone slip you some skin or lend you a hand

13. However, it is a great place to chill.

Of Corpse I'm Playing....

Thirteen Things to Do With a Dead Body

In "The Marian Kind, my release with Freya's Bower this month, my hero has a problem -- a dead body in his bathtub that threatens to expose his illegal, philanthropic activities. What would YOU do? This week I decided to brainstorm his problem.

You could:

1. Bury them in a shallow grave with a sprinkling of lime. Warning: Do not substitute lemon.

2. Use them as the non-moving extra in a zombie movie. Be aware there are many living actors also suited to this part.

3. Use as a fail-safe date for really ugly friends.

4. Dress them as a hobo and sit them on a cross-town tram. Warning: other disguises may not work since you must also account for the odor.

5. Use as a scarecrow since they're already stuffed.

6. Hang beside your front door with a rolled-up "Watchtower" in their hands as a dogma deterrent.

7. Use them as the before shot in skin commercials.

8. Send to Egypt to desiccate. Everyone knows that sun-dried anything is healthy.

9. Do NOT bury them in a peat bog.

10. Wrap in bandages and take to the orphanage, because every kid needs a mummy.

11. If you had enough of them, you could form a more effective Congress.

12. Donate them to the local art class so they can do life drawing and still life at the same time.

13. Leave them in the sun until they go off with a bang and scare the kids.

Rob did not use any of these methods. Wanna know what he DID do?
Buy the book! "The Marian Kind" Available June 21 at Freya's Bower as part of their Summer Lovin' collection. Yes, this is a shameless plug! :-)

Naughty Warning -- PG

Thirteen Reasons Men Are Better than Double-Choc Fudge Popsicles

1. A man can never be too rich

2. Men only get harder with the heat.

3.You don't need to use your teeth on the wrapper.

4. In fact, a man can throw his own wrapper in the bin.

5. You CAN have your man and eat him too.

6. Their nuts don't get stuck between your teeth.

7. Or make you gain weight. If they do, it disappears, mostly, after nine months.

8. Men don't leave you with more cavities.

9. At least I hope not!

10. Though you can't pick up a box full for a few dollars at the local supermarket, you CAN use the same one over and over, so they work out pretty economical.

11. Most men won't poison your dog.

12. And your friends don't normally ask you for their share.

13. However, just like chocolate, most of the really good ones are European.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen People I'd Love or Hate To Have For Dinner

1. Naturally I'd love to have my CPs over. Firstly, Kristen for her legendary shmoozing abilities, providing she took out personal insurance for her bling -- I don't think my house insurance would cover it.

2. Gina, coz she'd bring baby Niley who is just as cute as can be. As long as Gina doesn't bring a red pen to correct the commas on my menu card.

3. Selah, if she promises to keep the twins out of her soup.

4. Maggie, coz she's just completely hugable, plus I could ask her to use her legendary computer skills to fight the gremlins in my laptop.

5.Gemma, if she's not too busy with her new TV fame.

6. and other celebs, like Mary-Kate Olsen, because she'd be really cheap to feed.

7. and Ghandi. Ditto. Especially now.

8. and former Secretary General of the U.N.--Kofi Anan--cake? Sounds like someone to have around during last course.

9. But not Martin Luther and his Diet of Worms

10. or Lucretia Borgia, who might adjust my condiments

11. not Mama Cass Elliot if I'm serving ham

12. or Mike Tyson -- he takes the concept of putting the bite on people too literally

13. or Hannibal Lector -- ditto

How about you? Feel free to tell me why I should include you on this list. :-)

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Reasons Why I'm digging my current MS 1. It's written in the same "blurt" first-person style as The Marian Kind, only this tale is longer and more complicated. So if you love that novella, you should love this one, too. 2. I'm only 53 pages in so I'm still in the honeymoon phase, you know, that bit before you realize that your hero can't possibly do what you've written unless he has 3 hands and has conquered gravity. 3. I'm still playing with the title. I was gonna call it "Deck-a-Pussy", since it is loosely drawn from James Bond's "Octopussy" and is set at Christmas time and revolves around the theft of ... you guessed it, a pussy! But I dunno. Maybe I should call it "Second Chance at the Pussy", or Pussy on the Road Home". hint: those who don't get this, read my last blog post. 4. I get to make sexist remarks and attack both women's lib and the men's movement. That way I can offend everyone. 5. I get to research both NY and Alabama, alternating between haute couture and oat cuisine. And what's not to like about "coon" dogs and corn pones? Love it! 6. It's got pigs in it. 'Nuff said. 7. My heroine wears French knickers long after she should have thrown them out, tries to resist Ben and Jerry and doughnuts, and doesn't. Yep, I love her. 8. My hero is a take charge, controlled, make-it-happen guy. He floats my boat, even when I find myself up the creek without a paddle. 9. Did I mention he's rich? 10. And I have several dope heads. Not the hero, though. He's nobody's dope. 11. It's not every day (or book) you get a fork and spoon fight. 12. There's a chick called Iggy. I did consider Eggy, but thought I'd be understated and subtle since, you know, I'm like that. ;-) 13. My crisis happens at a funeral. I have written about funny weddings before, Brides Maid in Heaven, but making a funeral humorous is a real challenge. Rolling up sleeves, sucking into my coffee. Did I mention I love my new MS? Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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