Friday, October 13, 2006

Why Husbands should NOT be let out shopping on their own

The following is apparently taken from a real letter and indicates what sort of other life your signiticant other may be having unbeknown to you.

Dear Mrs X,

During the past six months security have been monitoring your husband's behavior in our store. The list below details his offences and can be verified by surveillance cameras.

June 15: took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts while they weren't looking
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5 minutely intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms
July 19: Walked up to an employee and in an official tone told her "Code 3 in Housewares" and watched what happened
August 2: Took a bag of M&Ms to the service desk and asked to put them on layby
Sept 14: Moved a "Caution:Wet Floor" sign onto a carpeted area
Oct 4: Looked into security camera and used it as a mirror to pick his nose
Nov 10: Asked clerk in the gun department if they knew where he could get antidepressants
Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible
Dec 10: Practised his "Madonna" look in the auto department using several sizes of funnels
Dec 18: Hid in the clothing rack and when customers looked through jumped out yelling "Pick me, pick me!"
Dec 23: Went into the fitting room, shut the door and after several minutes yelled very loudly, "There is NO toilet paper in here!"

When approached and asked if he required assistance he screams, "Why can't you people leave me alone." If announcements are made over the loud speaker he falls to the floor in a fetal position yelling "No! No The voices in my head are back." When given verbal warnings and asked not to return he responds rudely that as long as his wife shops here, he will too. To that end, you are forthwith banned from our store.

Your sincerely,


Feel better about YOUR husband yet? :-)


Jodie said...

Wahahahaha! He sounds like a lark. Put him on stage... or a straight jacket. :p

Kristen Painter said...


Reminds me of a kid I went to high school with.

Lady_Naomi said...

That is my two yr old all over. She stays home now and I shop at night. Otherwise the authorities might question the red mark around stomach from the leash.