Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Bum Wrap

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sometimes it's all a matter of perspective. I'm sure my wit will return when it's finished smoozing Laura's Muse, no doubt with a trail of little amusements behind it. Thanks y'all. :-)


Monday, June 26, 2006


Being funny is depressing, or at least it is if nobody laughs. There are few things more miserable than an unfunny humorist. It's embarrassing. But it's not like you can turn on a funny tap somewhere whenever you need to and have witty repartee pour in an erudite stream from your perfectly strawberry-glossed lips. Unless a magic Charlie Chapstick has been invented somewhere that I don't know about.

I recently started a short story that is not funny- serious/wistful/emotional yes. Funny no. My CPs say it doesn't sound like me, and the fact it doesn't make anyone smile has me nervous. Sure, they like it even without humor, but I wonder where oh where has my funny bone gone and when can I expect it back? Did it take a packed lunch or its entire wardrobe? How easily can I lose that essential part of my voice?

Come back! I promise I'll take out the trash!

Perhaps if we knew the nature of funniness (wow, there's a lot of n's in that word) we could find an answer. Is humor like a muscle that gets stronger every time we use it, or is it like a box of bon bons? Every bon bon ... er, bon mot used is one less we have left. Knowing my luck it's like Harry Potter's bags of many flavor beans and mine will be the vomit flavored ones. Come to think of it, I've often been told my humor is sick. Hmmmm?

Is humor something we have or something we are? I definitely live a little left of center. (Well hey, Tasmania is about as far as you can get from center before you start getting closer again.) I think most folk I know live left of center too, metaphorically speaking. I think it's a general sociological trend. People only aspire to appear normal because they're afraid to be their nutty selves, afraid what others may think of them. What if we find things funny because we're all living left of center and left is really the true center but no one is game to admit it.

Babe King's new clothes.

While I'm waiting for my humor to return, perhaps I'll cling to the Little Bo Peep theory. Leave your wits alone and they will come home, dragging their multi-book tales behind them. That way I can live in hope, as long as they return in time for me to die laughing.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Web Designer Hi-Jax Blog

My mate Jax, designer of the Babe cherry graphic and a founder of the Romance Diva site I belong to, would like you to know her following two books are red hot and currently for sale.

SUNSET KEYPublisher: PHAZEFreesia Daniels, personnel specialist and consummate planner, wasn't prepared to get the boot from her company for possessing a heart. When she decides to return home from Boston to the sunny beaches of Key West to lick her wounds, she discovers her heartbroken past has finally caught up with her in the form of Zachary Gray, her childhood sweetheart. He lures her to his island getaway and lands them smack in the middle of a raging hurricane. Lightning doesn't often strike twice, but this storm might give them both a second chance at love.

SANTA'S HELPERPublisher: AMBER QUILL PRESSWhen Manhattanite CEO Noel Ford decides to adopt a letter addressed to Santa Claus, he never expects to end up escorting sexy single mother Maura Kelly around the city on Christmas Eve. Because of her son Kyle’s selfless wish for her to find love again after her husband’s death, Maura agrees to spend the day with the handsome stranger, against her better judgment.The spark between Noel and Maura is immediate, but the distance between Park Avenue and the New Jersey suburbs is immense. Are their two worlds too dissimilar to merge or will they be able to bridge the distance with love?

So if you're looking for heat, try her out.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Gone Fishin'

Babe's Always Write

Little Fish in a Big Sea

It's all happening for my CPs. Everything from being picked up by top agents, to multi-book contracts, book tours and movie rights.


I'm feeling a little like Nemo (was that really released three years ago?) riding on the back of the druggie turtle, overwhelmed by the strength of what's going on around me, kinda insignificant in a whole sea of ability, and just hanging in there, wondering...
"What's happening, Dude?"
I guess that's okay as long as I don't start smelling like fish and eating worms- unless they're gummy worms of course. Yum.

The business of selling our writing is scary/unpredictable/enormous, and has always been the side I find hardest to get my head around, or tail around, or well, any bit of me gets stuck on that particular curve. That whole shove it out there under their noses concept. Let's face it, there are bits we don't want under anyone's nose, not even our own. Why else would we face lift them out of the way?

On the upside, my interview at By Grace is this Friday (duh!). No one has guessed right about my honeymoon destination yet, so keep those entries coming in. And my website should be up any day, complete with kangaroos and dancing felines. Gotta love clever critters.

Currently I'm writing a new inspirational novella for By Grace, so until the wave of success that's sweeping through my group takes me surfing too, I'll...

... just keep writing, just keep writing, just ...

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Lost Child

Babe's Always WriteOkay, I know I'm a larrikin and forever pulling your leg, but this post is serious. This child is missing- every parent's worst nightmare. I pray she's found soon. If you see her anywhere, let her folks know. My heart just bleeds for them.
Help Us Find Staci!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

How to Be and Interviewer's Nightmare

Babe's Always WriteOoh, I'm being interviewed at By Grace tomorrow (Friday).
Come on by and I'll dazzle you with my sh... um, wit.
:-) One thing they want to know is where I'd spend my ideal honeymoon. Can you guess? If anyone gets it right before the interview is posted I'll send you a packet of Tim Tams. What have you got to lose?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Write Way with Dead Horses

Babe's Always Write
It's official. I have too many things to do and too many ideas pulling me every which way so that I'm not finishing anything, just spinning in a constant whirring busy circle like a boat with one motor out. Of course some of these ideas that plague me are no doubt lame ducks (but, um, so what? A duck can always swim, right?) Ack, how to sort out what is potential poo- litzer material and what is other forms of doo-doo. A perenial problem for those of us with a head like a dictionary explosion.

When do you let a story idea go as dead? When your enthusiasm for the project gets reined in? When you're saddled with rejections? When the mane idea goes nowhere and you're left with a sting in the tail? When the pun-ishment gets pushed into absurdity? Preferably sometime before your readers throw your book, or worse, YOU, at the wall. Of course when to give up on a dead horse is a cultural consideration, as the following article send by a friend to my email box will attest to.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. In modern corporate world, governments and development assistance projects, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies is often employed, such as
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Re-classifying the dead horse as "living impaired."
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Re-writing the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
15. Using project funds to set up an incentive payment scheme to encourage the horse to do what its job description says it should have been doing all along.
16. Sending the horse on a post-graduate study program in another country, in the hope that by the time it graduates the project will have been completed.
17. Hiring an expensive international consultant to write a long report telling you that the horse is dead.

hmm, maybe I'll have another look at my dead horse ideas. Anyone gotta crutch for a duck?

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Under Wraps

Babe's Always WriteWhile I'm on a bondage theme, doing a little promo for a hot little book of a friend, Bebe Thomas.

Aurora's Passion Blurb:
Kris Anderssen is having a bad week. She lost her dream job and her lover on the same day and is in danger of losing her swanky New York apartment. She's regrouping by spending the Thanksgiving holiday in Aurora, her hometown. It's anything but relaxing. Her grandmother won't stop talking about the Northern Lights, the goddess Freya, and Norwegian folklore. Plus, Kris is more conflicted than ever, finding herself caught in a love triangle between her hot former boyfriend and her sexy best friend. She has feelings for each man; how can she possibly choose between them?

So is that Norwegian wood or Norwegian wouldn't?

Friday, June 09, 2006

On Bondage of Toes

Ode to the Toe Ring

Let's pause a while to cogitate

On things we don't oft contemplate

The value of the bare and simple toe

Whose beauty like a native wild

We cannot leave so undefiled

And so a new adornment trend must grow


To fashion's dictate toes must bow

Their freedom we cannot allow

And so with decorous bands we gird them in

and jailors in their vanity

push boundaries of sanity

to perpetrate this vain and pointless sin


and so I follow absently

in roles my peers have cast for me

to trap in shackles bright these digits bare

But now with jewel encrusted toes

with studded ears and perfect clothes

I realize I'll have to fix my hair

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Monday, June 05, 2006


Babe's Always Write
Gangrel : Isn’t that a fantastic word? What is it, a cross between gangrene and mongrel? Some green moldering carcass of a stray mutt? Did you know Shakespeare invented half the words he used? Why is it that when I follow suit my spell checker has a hernia and my CPs freak? Actually my American CPs try to correct my ockerisms all the time. But really, when was the last time you came up with a neologism? In my last manuscript I made up the word snarpy to describe the sharp, snappy barks of a Chihuahua. I challenge you, let’s add a new wing onto Websters, new threads into Word Web. Let your imagination go wild. I can’t wait to see what new words you come up with.
In the meantime, a friend sent me these little gems, pilfered no doubt from somewhere I don't know, so whoever you are, I acknowledge your wit and wisdom.

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another...

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that is exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Brides Maid in Heaven: The Blurb

Babe's Always WriteHah! You thought I'd say the movie, didn't you? I wish! Just a taste to show you what you'll be in for in.

Nurse Janie is at her wit’s end. Her folks expect her to shepherd her twin sister past a monumental attack of pre-wedding jitters. Now, just two days before the fairytale wedding, the flower girl has chickenpox, someone’s thrown up on the imported Italian napkins, and the bride has sunburned her face to a peeling pomegranate.

As problems increase, rivalries between the two sisters surface. Janie enlists the Best Man’s assistance to help her survive her twin’s pre-nuptual chamber of horrors, but he offers more insight into her own behavior than she’s ready to hear.

Can Janie overcome all hurdles to salvage her sisterly relationship, snag the best man, and survive the wedding, all while wearing a tasteless strawberry mousse bridesmaid’s dress? Even Superman didn’t have it this rough, and he wore his undies on the outside!