Thursday, August 16, 2007

Beat the Glum Bunnies

Y'know, I'm against the bludgoning of innocent baby Harp seals for the fur industry. Yup. Makes me ill to think of it. But some critters deserve to be smashed to a pulp, and the glum bunny is definitely one of them.

Recently, over at Romance Divas, someone posted a thread about being down, and so many girls put their hand up saying they were also in glum bunny hell it was frightening. I know these things breed like ... well, rabbits, but sheesh! What a miserable way to spend our alloted three score and ten. So, I've been considering how we can send that disgusting rodents into a myxomatosis oblivion. Feel free to add your 2c worth and help outfox these "wascally wabbits."

1. Avoid negative people. If someone puts you down more than once without a reason- ie, it's not to help you grow, then stay away from them. Who needs the negativity?

2. Chemical warfare - including antidepresssants, alcohol, bascially anything that makes you feel better by altering your perception. Drugs are good.

3. Exercise. Endorphins are like morphine. See above. Drugs are good.

4, A dose of paralyzing agent either for yourself or for said negative person also works. If they/you can't breath, they can't insult/ you don't care. Again I say, drugs are good.

5. Eat well. Chocolate and other comfort food are a short term fix with long term implications. Basically, they make your warren larger so more glum bunnies can live there. Not good.

6. Succeed and celebrate that success, even if it's a small step. I finally wrote Between the Gutter and the Sky's blurb. Yay- party time! Who has the balloons and ah... did I mention drugs are good?

7. Read inspiring work. Either a book of amazing bloodlines that leaves you gasping from its sheer brilliance, or one so bad you realize you're not the worst writer on the planet. Of course, this can also backfire. Ie. if this crud gets published and I don't, what does that make me? (I think that's called glum bunny pellets.)

8. Treat your inner child well. If you don't give them something fun to play with, they'll wipe jammy fingers on your WIP and dump dirty diapers on your mood and muse.

9. Never allow your glum bunnies and dust bunnies to interbreed. Few things are worse than a filthy mood in a filthy house.

10. For those who are perimenopausal, consider HRT --hormonal rabbit traps. It is natural to collect/attract glum bunnies at this time of life and may be necessary to poison their water supply. Let me advise adding copiuos alcohol. Again I say, drugs are good.

11. Be thankful I didn't mention the Jack Russel of joy or the Ferret of frivolity. I'm saving them for a purple spot. Hmm, maybe I should have that spot chopped off next time I'm at the doctor. I've heard they can turn malignant.

Finally, let me say, you don't have to be the bunny. There are better ways to wear fur. Anyone know a good taxidermist?


Kristen Painter said...

You forgot the Feline of Perpetual Happiness! lol

We need a glum bunny exterminator. Think the Wallace and Grommit machine is adaptable?

Babe King said...

Do they come out as chicken pies?

Jennifer McK said...

I've been reading quite a bit and loving it.
I'm reading "Bitter Is The New Black" by Jen Lancaster. It's HILARIOUS!!! That has taken aim at some of my glum bunnies.