Be very afraid. Australia is holding your president hostage in an undisclosed Australian jail where he is being tortured daily (by having to listen to our Prime Minister. It's rumored that Osama Bin Ladan visited to get his autograph, but nearly had snipers turn him into a colander.
Never fear, I have decided to release your president unharmed providing all Americans purchase at least one copy of all my books. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to let the killer koalas eat him with their gum leaves.